My Guide for Bringing Dinner

After Eden passed away there were so many people in our community who wanted to help us. And the go-to way to serve is bringing a meal. Thankfully, we had our parents and church leaders running defense so we didn't end up drowning in casserole. But one church leader had a wonderful idea that I would love to see implemented for anyone who faces the loss of a loved one. She created a sign-up for people in our church community to make us dinner every Sunday for the next year. This was a loving and beautiful way to allow others to serve us in a way that was ongoing and supportive for the entire year after losing Eden. All too often people who are facing tragedy get flooded with food, cards, and gifts for the first month or so then are left to face their life that is still broken with less acknowledgment or support. Through this service we were able to meet one on one with friends and acquaintances, hear their stories and feelings about Eden, and continue to feel supported throughout the year. People would sometimes ask us. "Are you done with people bringing dinner? Do you want us to stop?" And while we didn't require the physical nourishment of the dinners being made. We craved the spiritual nourishment of the connections made and the love shared through service.

I am so grateful for everyone who signed up and went out of their way and comfort zones to serve us during this trying time.

After a year of having dinners brought over, and being invited to dinner, I have learned a thing or two about compassionate dinners and I have been asked by some friends to share what I have learned. I would like to say that bringing someone dinner is so kind and compassionate. The person you serve will be so grateful for your service. Here are a few things to make the process go a little smoother.

You Decide What's For Dinner: 

While you should definitely ask about allergies or food aversions (I usually told people we don't like mushrooms) part of the service you are giving is deciding what is for dinner. I know I'm not the only one who thinks one of the hardest parts of making dinner is deciding what to make. When people asked what we wanted I usually said "Make your favorite."

If They are Getting Dinner Every Day Make an Appropriate Amount or Make a Freezable Meal: 

A lot of the time, people will be getting a meal brought to them every day. Our family wasn't able to go though a casserole sized dish in one day, food started to pile up, and some of it went to waste. Think about how many adults and children will be eating your meal. Or if you want to make them something they can throw in the freezer, great.  

Condiments are Tricky: 

If you are bringing a salad, chips, burgers, or something that requires condiments, either bring the item with condiments already on or ask about how they would like to handle them. You could text "I am bringing a salad. Do you already have dressing that you prefer? If not, I would love to bring you one that I like" etc. We sometimes ended up with entire bottles or containers of dressing or salsa that were duplicates or not to our taste.

If There is A System in Place Use It: 

If you are dealing with a situation like a birth, death, or medical issue where a lot of people know about the situation and will be wanting to bring meals, there will usually be someone in charge of coordinating dinners so you don't have multiple people showing up with dinner on the same day. New mothers, and people who are ill may not be able to quickly answer the phone or texts, and in my situation, eating and planning dinner was the furthest thing from my mind. Schedule with the person in charge or if you really feel like the situation is different, you can ask the person directly Before making the meal send a text like "Is someone bringing you dinner tonight? if not, I'm doing it" or "What day this week works for me to bring you dinner." Spur of the moment drops offs work better for "Just because I was thinking about you" or "You told me you've been having a rough time" situations.

If You Have to Reschedule, Be Specific: 

When making plans weeks/months in advanced, things are going to come up and changes will have to be made. If you need to reschedule that is totally fine but try to set up the new day at the same time that you tell them "Sunday doesn't work" I found that when it was left at "We should do it another time" it rarely ended up happening. It is your responsibility to make sure it gets rescheduled. Maybe it is a consequence of being raised to be "90s polite" but I would never dream of even suggesting inviting myself to someone else's house for dinner even if it is a reschedule of a previous invitation.

Give Close Friends First Dibs: 

This one is more specific to our situation, but if you plan to use the idea of "A year of meals" allow close friends to sign up first. Make sure that the first few weeks, and other more painful days like birthdays and anniversaries are filled by those who know and love them and can offer adequate support on those painful days.

Desserts Are Appreciated but Completely Unnecessary: 

It was a fun treat to get a dessert as part of the meal. If you are feeling up to it and want to make one go ahead. But don't stress about it.

My mom once told me that when she is making a meal for someone in need she tries to imagine that she is bringing a meal to the savior. And I try to keep this in mind as well. I feel that keeping this in mind helps me to serve in the best way. It helps me to not feel burdened as we sometimes do when our schedules are full. It helps me to want to make the best meal I can, while also not stressing my self out over the details and what I am unable to do. Because if I WAS tasked with feeding the Savior and all I had was a bowl of beans, I know he would accept my offering as if it were a feast.